can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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