if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
