Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
