so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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