I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend