Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor