I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.