Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.