please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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