I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"