My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌