How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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