Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?