Texts From Last Night

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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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  (781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt
  Replies (22) Good night (3964) Bad night (806)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

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  (352): if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong. http://tfl.nu/rar8
  Replies (20) Good night (3945) Bad night (906)
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  (619): View more from California

  She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

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  (619): She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something http://tfl.nu/p4oj
  Replies (31) Good night (1046) Bad night (7511)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

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  (253): I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end. http://tfl.nu/6ben
  Replies (9) Good night (3410) Bad night (1004)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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  (862): That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light http://tfl.nu/4kbw
  Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (2730)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.

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  (239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes. http://tfl.nu/tunx
  Replies (5) Good night (910) Bad night (3013)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

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  (989): He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame http://tfl.nu/n7tj
  Replies (6) Good night (5502) Bad night (1307)
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  (619): View more from California

  Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

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  (619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0
  Replies (20) Good night (3600) Bad night (1896)
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  (415): View more from California

  also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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  (415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10
  Replies (9) Good night (699) Bad night (1530)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.

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  (269): I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them. http://tfl.nu/bvne
  Replies (6) Good night (1683) Bad night (634)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.

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  (256): It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with. http://tfl.nu/jivo
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (714)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.

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  (540): I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism. http://tfl.nu/6sut
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.

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  (617): She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil. http://tfl.nu/6r35
  Replies (4) Good night (675) Bad night (379)
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  (707): View more from California

  I woke up with your vibrator in my face

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  (707): I woke up with your vibrator in my face http://tfl.nu/fehl
  Replies (2) Good night (319) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots

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  (315): Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots http://tfl.nu/kedr
  Replies (0) Good night (355) Bad night (149)

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