I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
