we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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