found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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