just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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