I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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