Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby