it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life