My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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