So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list