Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.