in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think i have herpe
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays