he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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