I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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