i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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