Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
