You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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