Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
