The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
