It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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