adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
