Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
