It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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