She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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