you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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