A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
