I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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