Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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