did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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