The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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