fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
