Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
