You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
