I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
