I'm eating all of the evidence.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
