I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I cut my penus on the lid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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