I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
