I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
