I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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