He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
