I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
