forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
