i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
