ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love accidental penises.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
