I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
