thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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