I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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