Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
