So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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