I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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