It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she peed on how many people?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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