I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
