sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
