I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
