I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I skipped work to stalk him.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
