I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could teleport
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
