Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
