I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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