Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
