just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
