btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
