your thong is hanging out like whoa
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
