Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
