I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
